Our words are important, but as Peter Drucker once said, “The most important thing in communication is hearing what isn’t said,” – and I couldn’t agree more.
When it comes to honouring a life, we perhaps place a little too much emphasis on what is said about the person, rather than taking as much care over the unspoken gestures because they convey ineffable meaning and worth too.
I recently visited the Birches Crematorium and Remembrance Park in Northwich to take a much-loved husband and father’s ceremony. It is a relatively new venue, and the park is in its early stages of development. The building and the grounds already place value and emphasis on the importance of every life it represents. Everything was immaculate. The staff were compassionate and approachable, and the surrounding park provides a peaceful place for reflection. Nothing is spoken. It just stands quietly and gives substance to every life and occasion.
Think about all the special occasions we’ve attended, like weddings and funerals and graduations. Recall how much effort we put into dressing up for them. I suppose putting on our ‘Sunday best’ gives the occasion a sense of worth and specialness. Again, nothing is said here, but they make a bold enough statement, nonetheless.
Attending a vigil will often be marked by lighting candles and laying flowers, displaying photographs and memorabilia. All of which give meaning and purpose to the act of coming together. They weave a golden thread through what would otherwise be an anthology of words or silence.
When it comes to honouring lives, there is no room for bedraggled attention to detail. Just reeling off a load of dates and times, playing a few tracks of music and all under a roof that hasn’t seen a lick of paint in years isn’t good enough. They shout, “who cares?”
From Linkin Park’s One More Light:
If they say
Who cares if one more light goes out?
In a sky of a million stars
It flickers, flickers
Who cares when someone’s time runs out?
If a moment is all we are
We’re quicker, quicker
Who cares if one more light goes out?
Well, I do
Quality and compassion matter; they come from experience and a willingness to learn and develop because every life deserves this much attention.
Of course, words are important too, but we must remember that gestures, in love, are incomparably more attractive, effective, and valuable than simply words alone.
It comes down to effort in the end, and we invariably put effort into something that we deem as worth it. It is as simple as that.